My Tourniquet
by Lost Demon Kunoichi
Summary: A series of oneshots, all about Kagome's suicide. Rated M for said suicide.
1. Chapter 1

Tobari-chan: Woot. My first ficcie that isn't a crossover. I'm doing this fic all alone. My Manda-chan has gone to Austrailia and left me stranded in the airport. Sad. Any whoo... There is a time I wish that someone would come up to me from behind and say, "Aren't you that person that created Inuyasha?" And I would turn around, bitch slap them, and say, "Do I look old and Japanese! Hell no." And then Manda-chan would laugh her ass off. Haha. My point is... I don't own Inuyasha or any of the characters in it. I'm not Rumiko Takahashi. Also... I don't own the song "Tourniquet" by my idol, Amy Lee and her band called Evanescence. I Luff You Amy Lee!

_I tried to kill the pain._

Kagome looked at the small daggar held in her hand, then at the stream of blood slowly seeping out of her wrist. After months, no, years, of trying to get her love, Inuyasha, to fall in love with her and look away from the dead priestess Kikyou, she had given up. She had given up on every thing, even life. The Shikon no Tama was completed, and back inside her body. Sango and Miroku had gotten married, Shippou had grown into a teen and was already considering courting Souten, the little demon who had captured him for revenge such a long time ago. Kagome was left alone. Again.

_But only brought more, so much more._

After a while of wandering the lands of Japan, she had settled down in a part of the Western Lands in a humble village. It wasn't until then that she had taken up the hobby of cutting herself to feel better. Her first family left her in a car crash, and now her second family had abondoned her, albiet unintentionally, but they had still left her. It was then that Kagome realized that the red stream of blood had started gushing out. "Am I going to die?" She whispered to herself. Unknowingly to Kagome, a white haired person and his friends had heard her.

_I lay dying._

_And I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal._

Flashes of her life came rushing to her mind as she lie down on her futon, suddenly tired. Flashes of her first climbing through the well, meeting Inuyasha, Shippou, then Miroku and Sango and Kirara. '_Inuyasha..'_ Her mind muttered. Another flashback, this time of her lost love kissing a dark haired, dead priestess. Kagome screamed as the pain of losing him finally caught up to her. She missed him, but she couldn't bare to see him after he betrayed her like that. Her screams became louder as pain shot up her bleeding arm.

_I'm dying, praying, bleeding, and screaming. _

_Am I too lost, to be saved, _

_Am I too lost?_

Out side of the bamboo door, were her friends that had 'abondoned' her. They had decided to surprise her with a party, all of them bringing her gifts and prepared to shower her with love. But when they heard her scream, all of them rushed into the hut, dropping their presents for Kagome. None of them were prepared for what they saw on the hut. Kagome, their loved one, was screaming in a pool of her own blood, staring at the ceiling with hatred.

_My God, my tourniquet,_

_Return to me salvation,_

_My God, my tourniquet,_

_Return to me salvation._

Kagome turned her glare onto the people who walked into her hut, a slight gasp came from her mouth, but her cold face stayed in place. They gathered around her death bed, everyone with tears in their eyes. Sango tried to apply pressure to the self inflicted wound, but nothing would stop it from gushing blood. The demon exterminator sobbed, and lay her head down next to her sister's head, with tears flowing out of her eyes. "Why, Kagome! Why do you have to die!" Kagome looked sadly at her, and then at everyone else until another sharp sting ran up her arm, causing her to scream again.

"Kagome," the quiet voice of Inuyasha said after she quieted down a bit. Everyone looked at him. "Why did you kill yourself? You had no reason to!" Kagome smiled bitterly. With a small bit of force, she began to tell them why. "I loved you for so long... ever since I climbed out of the well for the first time and freed you from the god tree."

_Do you remember me?_

_Lost for so long._

"I knew you would never return my feelings when Kikyou came back to life, but still I felt for you." A coughing fit seized her, and blood spewed from her mouth. "When I came upon you and Kikyou making love in the clearing we met... I was heartbroken. I went back to my time, only to find out that my family had died in a horrible crash." She could feel pity coming from everyone's aura's. She growled, pathetically, and ended up in another coughing fit. "When I came back, everyone was gone. Sango and Miroku were in the demon exterminator village, Shippou was in the mountains, and you were with Kikyou, ogling her for all you were worth." The pity was gone. Now, embarrassment and sadness was in its place. "Will... Will any of you be with me one day? Or will you leave me again?" Kagome knew it was a stupid question. But still, she was curious to whether they hated her or not.

_Will you be on the other side, _

_Will you forget me?_

"Of course we'll be with you!" Shippou cried as he clung to his momma's arm. "We would never leave you alone! I'm sorry, Momma, please forgive me!" The child-like squeak had returned to his voice as he sniffled and cried on her. She smiled slightly, and a bit of regret squeezed its way into her mind. Kagome immediately pushed it back, knowing it was too late to turn back now.

_I'm dying, praying, bleeding, and screaming._

_Am I too lost to be saved,_

_Am I too lost?_

"I never meant to hurt you, Kagome." Inuyasha whispered, and layed his head down over her heart, listening as it slowed down. Finally, he let it all go. Inuyasha, the great hanyou, who had defeated Naraku, and managed to weild the tetsusaiga, cried. He didn't want Kagome to leave him. She was the only one, the _only_ one, who truly understood him. Kagome winced slightly at the contact, but she couldn't refuse him once she felt the wetness of his tears seep through her clothing.

_My God, my tourniquet,_

_Return to me salvation,_

_My God, my tourniquet, _

_Return to me salvation._

Kagome noticed that Miroku had not said any thing, and was grateful. She didn't want to feel or see the sadness radiating off of another loved one. Shippou's, Sango's, and Inuyasha's sobs were enough. "Miroku..." She felt everyone's eyes upon her, "Say a prayer. So maybe... Kami will forgive me." His voice sounded a bit watery as he managed an 'okay' and set to the task of saying a short prayer for his sister, Kagome.

_My wounds cry for the grave,_

_My soul cries for deliverance._

After the prayer, Kagome smiled. "Thank you." She felt a slight tugging deep in her soul. No, Kagome did not regret dying, but she felt sorry for the ones she left behind, even though they had abandoned her, sort of.

_Will I be denied?_

_Christ! Tourniquet!_

A last "I love you guys." was managed before her heart stopped beating, and Kagome died with a smile on her kind face.

_My suicide._

Tobari-chan: Wow... Was that depressing or what? Maybe not as sad as I wished it was... but I think it turned out alright. Review! Please please please, I love reviews and they'll... help send Kagome to heaven instead of hell for committing suicide? Eh heh...


	2. Chapter 2

Tobari-chan: I've decided to turn this into a series of oneshots, all about Kagome's suicide, and all using Evanescence songs. Ah, the pleasures of my sick demented mind.

Breathe No More

_I've been looking in the mirror for so long._

_That I've come to believe my soul's on the other side._

Inuyasha chose death over life. Freezing cold over comfortable warmth. She looks just like me... but... she's dead, and he still chose _her_. '_I'm worthless_.' This is what I've been telling myself ever since he let _her _join our little group of Shard Hunters. I took to cutting, hoping he wouldn't notice the smell of blood nor the sadness in my eyes. He probably wouldn't care anyways, not since he had _her_. I felt myself being broken, every little piece being torn away from my soul as _she_ hugged and kissed him. Disgusting.

_Oh the little pieces falling, shatter._

_Shards of me._

I could feel _their_ glares burning into my back if I walked ahead of them, and I saw _their_ glares back at me if I walked behind them. There was no place for me here. One night, I had tried to speak to _her_ to establish some sort of a truce. Inuyasha immediately had rushed over to her, cursing at me and telling me to stay away from _his_ woman. Again, I felt alone.

_Too sharp to put back together,_

_Too small to matter. _

Maybe he didn't understand. But it was too late for that. One night, after a cutting session, little Shippou had ran over to me, saying that I smelt like blood. I had frozen in shock. Of course, I hadn't thought that Shippou could smell me, I only knew that Inuyasha couldn't, and that was enough for me. I brushed it off, saying I was just on my monthly. He looked confused. That was when Inuyasha cut in saying, "No, you're not in heat. You've just been hurting yourself, haven't you?" He didn't sound concerned, why should he? He had _her_ now.

_But big enough to cut me into so many little pieces._

_If I try to touch her. _

I didn't answer him. I was too embarrassed by the looks my companions were giving me. Sango, a mix of hurt and worry. Miroku, anger. And poor little Shippou, a mix of confusement, sadness, and anger. "Inuyasha, this is all your fault!" He sniffled as he climbed onto my shoulder and hugged my neck. Poor Shippou. I knew he felt it up to him to protect me now that Inuyasha had _her._ _She_ just laughed and cuddled into Inuyasha's arms.

_And I bleed,_

_I bleed._

After that, I started cutting on my stomach, my hips, and anywhere my companions couldn't see. I no longer took baths with Sango, in fear that she would confront me about the scars and fresh cuts. I knew though, that Inuyasha and Shippou could smell all the blood from my self-inflicted wounds. Shippou still protected me as much as he could, but no one could protect me from myself.

_And I breathe,_

_I breathe no more._

Eventually, the silent torture from Inuyasha and _her_ had drove me into thinking that I was insane. As much as I could, I visited the God Tree and the Well. I couldn't face my real family now. That seemed to please Inuyasha, for him it meant less time waiting for me to return back here and more time searching for jewel shards. They didn't need me though. They had _her._ Yes, I came to believe I was insane. I began to hear voices in my head, repeating my name over and over. I started to cut deeper and deeper into myself, praying no one would ever see me naked again or face the disgusting body of mine, covered in scars. I was truly insane and suicidal.

_Take a breath and I try to draw from my spirits well._

_Yet again you refuse to drink like a stubborn child._

One night I decided to announce to the camp that I was hearing odd voices in my head. _They_ had laughed at me, making me feel like a fool until Sango came over to me and comforted me. _She_ managed to get under my skin once again. "My dear reincarnation, you're probably just sick. Truly, give up the act for attention. We all know that's the only thing you want. You're sick. Not mentally ill, just sick like Naraku. Attention lover." _She _accused me of lying. Bitch. But, all the accusations seemed to get to me, and I started crying, a rare thing since I began cutting my self. Inuyasha looked slightly worried. I passed his odd face expression off as gas.

_Lie to me, _

_Convince me that I've been sick forever._

Sango embraced me when I began to sob, and I fell asleep in her arms that night. Poor Sango, having to listen to ugly me cry my ugly eyes out all over her beautiful kimono. I felt sorry, and promised to buy her a new one when we returned to Kaede's village. "Reincarnate," So... _she_ decided to ruin my morning once again, "I couldn't help but notice that you never go home anymore. You're not needed here, why don't you go back to your own time? Maybe you'll get.." _She _paused for a second, as if to look for the right word, and then smirked when she found it, "Better. Even though you probably won't be able to." Inuyasha had glanced at me, wondering if I was going to cry again. I didn't.

_And all of this, _

_Will make sense when I get better._

_She_ knew she had gotten to me that time. "I won't. Because even in my time, there is no cure for me. Although, there may be a cure for your ugliness. I believe its called surgery. Or maybe death." I snapped at her. Everyone seemed surprised at me, and Shippou was looking up at me with complete adoration. "Why.. you bitch! Inuyasha, slap her!" _She_ shouted at Inuyasha and, seeing as Inuyasha made no move to do as _she_ asked, _she_ dared to aim an arrow directly at my heart. Maliciously, _she_ spat, "You may look like me, but I am better in every single way. I have a bigger chest, longer, silkier hair, and my powers are more advanced than yours. You can't even aim an arrow right." This I already knew. And I knew it well. So I spoke just that, and it seemed to make _her_ ego inflate ten times the size it already was.

_I know the difference,_

_Between myself and my reflection._

Surprising everyone, Inuyasha smacked the bow and arrow away from _her_. Confused, I began to run from the two lovers and my companions, who did nothing but watch as _she_ tried to hurt me. Traitors, my mind screamed at me as I ran from Inuyasha, who was oddly shouting my name. I didn't think he cared.

_I just can't help but to wonder,_

_Which of us do you love?_

When I thought I was far enough away from them, I sat down on a rock that overlooked a beautiful hot spring. I was tempted to go in, but I had no clean clothes with me. Besides, I had a greater urge to do something else. I reached into my pant pocket, and pulled out a sharp peice of glass. I almost groaned when I felt the cold glass press deep into the skin on my wrist, breaking and tearing it, and embedding little slivers of glass into my veins and surround skin.

_So I bleed,_

_I bleed._

My blood began to gush out, and I knew I had hit the main vein. I was glad. I chucked my little glass friend into the steamy water of the hotspring, and then dived in myself.

_And I breathe,_

_I breathe now..._

I floated ontop of the water, relishing in the sweet smell of the fresh air in this era.

_Bleed._

_I bleed._

Here came the voices again. I turned over on my stomach in the water as I spotted the water slowly becoming a redish color from my blood. I began to sink. One last breath... I heard angels weeping for my broken body as my lungs gave up on me when I refused to take a breath.

_And I breathe,_

_I breathe,_

_I breathe-_

_I breathe no more._

And thats how the group found her. Lying in her watery depths. Inuyasha cried first, no one knew why though, and soon everyone joined in with him, except Kikyou, that is. The group of Shard Hunters cremated her with one half of the Shikon Jewel, knowing that if one peice of it was gone, then it would never be able to be finished by Naraku. They put her ashes in the most sacred of shrines in the village. Soon, Kaede had the men of the village erect two statues of the kind miko, one of her at the entrance of the village with a kind look upon her face and in prayer, and another infront of the shrine that held her ashes, looking fierce with an arrow pointed at all trespassers before her. The village's name was changed to Higurashi shrine.

-500 years later-

A 5 year old Kagome blinked up at her grandfather, who was currently inspecting an old antique vase. "Granpapa, What's that?" She said, her voice being a bit squeaky from her adolescence. Her grandfather smiled proudly at the toddler.

"Why, Kagome, it is the ashes of the greatest miko of all time, one of our ancestor's sister, Kagome Higurashi!" He exclaimed. The little Kagome once again blinked.

"But that's my name!" She shouted, obviously confused and angry. Her grandfather chuckled.

"I know, we named you after her." He was still chuckling when he put the vase down and hobbled out of the store room.

"Who ever heard of putting some one in a vase?" Little Kagome pouted and then looked inside the vase and immediately regretted it. "Gross."

End

Tobari-chan: I like the end. I find it somewhat funny.. even though the beginning is sad. Anyways...Review!


	3. Chapter 3

Tobari-chan: Alright, I know I said I had a writers block, but... this sort of came to me while I was listening to it. So ha.

&&&

My name is Kagome. My stupid friends call me Kags... Anyways, when I was fifteen, I got swallowed up by a stupid well and dumped into the Fuedal Era of Japan. I broke a magic jewel there, and only I could see the stupid shards of it. So, I went on a quest to find them. I fell in love, I made friends, I killed an evil hanyou dude, and I was supposed to get married. That is, until my fiance got killed by his brother, who then captured me and now I'm here in this stupid dungeon of his stupid evil castle. So, with nothing else to do but mourn, I dream.

_Swallowed up in the sound of my screaming,_

_Cannot cease for the fear,_

_Of silent nights._

I dream of the life that I could've had with my fiance, or the life I would've had if I had never went into the well house on my family's shrine. I think Buyo had my whole life planned out since the day I was born or something. Stupid plotting cat. Ah.. I'm getting side tracked again. All I'd have to do to get out of this dungeon is give him what he wants, but what he wants is a child and I don't think I want to give him that. And so, I continue to dream about life when I escape. Eventually, I'll lose reality and just dream, like being in a never ending coma.

_Oh how I long for the deep sleep dreaming,_

_The goddess of imaginary light._

Oh, did I mention that he locked away my stupid miko powers with a spell? Well, he did. That's why I can't get out of this place until I get pregnant. Even then I won't be able to leave. Kami, I wish I could. In my dreams I have my own little fluffy world. Like on Charley and the Cholate Factory, where everything is edible.

_In my field of paper flowers,_

_And candy clouds of lullaby,_

_I lie inside myself for hours,_

_And watch my purple sky fly over me._

I need to get out of here. I think I'm going insane. Maybe I should just give it... No! What am I thinking! Inuyasha would think I was weak, and Sesshoumaru would probably laugh in my face with that stupid smug smirk of his. Uh oh.. Someone's coming. I think its Lord Icebutt himself. Oh goodie. ... See that? I'm going insane. Maybe I should call him that, he'd kill me and then I'd be free from this hell-hole.

_I linger in the doorway,_

_Of alarm clocks screaming monsters_

_Calling my name._

Lord Icebutt is screaming at me. I don't care. Let him scream until his throat gets raw. He won't touch me, he has too much honor to rape someone. I think I want to stay in this dungeon. At least I'd be safe from him. But... If I do give in, atleast I'd be somewhat happy. I'd be able to have almost anything I could ever want. But that's selfish. I don't really want that. I want to stay in my world of dreams!

_Let me stay_

_Where the wind will whisper to me,_

_Where the raindrops as they're falling tell a story._

In my world.. There's no hate, no monsters, no death. It'd be like heaven. And everyone is happy. And, most importantly, Inuyasha -my love- is still alive. And we're married and we have little babies running everywhere. I wonder what Sango is up to right now... Maybe she's in labor. Aww... I can imagine little Miroku's running around and looking up women's skirts, and then little Sango's hitting them upside the head. Cute. But back to the problem! I'm still stuck here...

_In my field of paper flowers,_

_And candy clouds of lullaby,_

_I lie inside myself for hours,_

_And watch my purple sky fly over me._

Oops... I called him Fluff Butt. It was an accident... I didn't mean to do it. And now comes that hard slap, evil red eyes, and the unsheathing of that stupid sword. I'm going to die.. I know it. Or maybe I'll just... go in a coma. I mean, he's not holding the tetsusaiga at my neck, but the tensaiga. I won't die.. but I won't exactly be living, now will I? I'll be living in my land of dreams forever! Oh, good things do come in time.

_If you need to leave the world you live in_

_Lay your head down and stay a while,_

_Though you may not remember dreaming,_

_Something waits for you to breathe again._

As I lay down on my small futon, I wonder if Sango, Miroku, or Shippou miss me. When I open my eyes again, will I see them? Or will I be in a beautiful room showered in gifts from Sesshoumaru, trying to get bribed into becoming his mate. Disgusting. I close my eyes, suddenly very tired. I can feel him still standing there, waiting for me to get up. Stupid demon! I'm going into a coma! Get a doctor! Then again... who would want to run from a perfect world full of happiness and fluffy ears?

_In my field of paper flowers,_

_And candy clouds of lullaby,_

_I lie inside myself for hours,_

_And watch my purple sky fly over me._

Fin.


	4. Chapter 4

Kitsune Kunoichi: Hallo! If you didn't notice... I changed my penname! I was Tobari-chan... Manda-chan will now be Neko Kunoichi. Kay? Kay. Anyhoo... Its been such a long time, huh? I was just like skimming through my favorites and I found the link to the Evanescence lyrics site thingie... and on it was 'My Last Breath'. I read through it all quick like, and decided to update! Aren't you all so proud of me?

Neko Kunoichi: Oh yes, Miss. Always-talking-taking-up-room-on-the-page. Thanks, now we might have to edit out some stuff. Evil slizatch!

Kitsune Kunoichi: Hey! You-you-your sooo m-m-m-meaaaan to m-m-m-meee! -Cries all uber retarded like.-

Neko Kunoichi: You'll get over it.

Disclaimer: We own nothing but the socks on our feet... Well, I don't. My partner in crime does, though. I'm poor. I have to rent them!

* * *

_Hold onto me, love._

_You know I can't stay long._

_All I wanted to say was, _

_"I love you and I'm not afraid"_ Kagome said, her bright blue eyes looking up at Inuyasha's shocked face as her blood flowed through the multipul wounds on her body, all from Naraku. She knew she was going to die, and she wanted to end it quick for her own sake. But Inuyasha didn't want her to go yet, although she was not going to live from all of the wounds.

_Can you hear me?_

_Can you feel me in your arms,_

_Holding my last breathe?_

_Safe inside myself, _

_Are all my thoughts of you. _

It was nighttime when the battle began, the sun had just begun sinking below the horizon in a clashing of hues. Shippou was swatted like a fly, and was the first to perish. Next was Sango, who was sucked up on accident by Miroku's wind tunnel. He couldn't bear the pain and soon followed her, sucking his body into the winds.

Sesshoumaru had decided that Naraku was not worth his time, and Kouga was too busy repopulating the Mountains with Ayame and the rest of his clan. It was Kikyou who finished the battle, when the sun was rising to greet the day once more. She took him to hell with her and told Inuyasha she still loved him, but they were not meant to be.

_Sweet raptured life, _

_It ends here tonight._

Kagome reached up weakly to touch her love's face, tracing his nose, his eyes, his lips, and his hanyou ears, all of which she would never see again, never touch again, and never kiss again.

_"I'll miss the winter, a world of fragile things. Look for me in the white forest, Hiding in a hollow tree." _She said. Inuyasha's eyes were filled with tears now and he hugged her body close to his, wishing that she would live.

_I know you can hear me,_

_I can taste it in your tears._

A drop of the salty tears fell onto her mouth as he sobbed mournfully. She opened her mouth and licked it up immediately.

_Holding my last breath,_

_Safe inside myself,_

_Are all my thoughts of you._

Will you miss me? Will you think of me after I'm gone? Dream of me? Pray for me? Mourn for me? Never forget me? Thousands of thoughts ran through her head, casting away the other ones about death, or her pain screaming and ripping through her body.

_Sweet raptured life,_

_It ends here tonight._

She smiled sadly, regretting that she would leave him alone without anyone but Kirara and Keade.

_Closing your eyes,_

_You pray that your dreams will leave you here, _

_But you still wake and know the truth,_

_No ones there._

_"Say goodnight, don't be afraid." _Kagome told him, her hand once again carressing his cheek as he held onto her tightly. He didn't say goodnight, though. Not yet.

_Calling me, holding me, as you fade to black._

Her world began to fade.

_"Say goodnight." Holding my last breath,_

_"Don't be afraid." Safe inside myself,_

First Inuyasha's ears dissappeared, and then his hands and arms, followed by his legs and torso. Finally his hair disappeared, and his head along with it.

_Holding me, _

_Are all my thoughts of you._

_"Sweet raptured life,"_ She muttered as he clung to her dying body, his eyes the only part of him she could see, _"It ends here tonight."_

And his eyes faded away, casting her soul into the Shikon no Tama, which was held in the pocket of Inuyasha's sleeve.

Later in the day, Inuyasha had finally stopped crying long enough to burry her body next to Shippou's.

"Goodnight, Kagome."

* * *

Kitsune Kunoichi: Soooo... Did everyone like it? Do any crybabies need tissues? Kidding...

Neko Kunoichi: YAAAAWN. I'm ready to go to bed.

Kitsune Kunoichi: Cha... Me too. But first we have to explain the fic and whatnot... Anyhoo... We know that Kagome didn't commit suicide in this fic like we promised all of our one-shots in here would. I was kinda gettin' tired of 'em... but only kinda. Also unfortunately, Inuyasha and Kagome were lovers in this one-shot. I don't like Inuyasha/Kagome fics much.. but this one was okay as long as one of them died. Hehe, I'm so cruel. Oh and yes, that Kikyou taking Naraku to hell thing was a spoiler. In the end of the series, Kikyou does take Naraku to hell with her and such... I think. I saw it once while watching the ones we downloaded on our computer.. but then I saw a different one and that one sucked. It was the one they showed on Adult Swim which TOTALLY SUCKED MONKEY BALLS... Ahem... All of the things Kagome says in this one-shot are lyrics from the song. Just so you don't get confused...

On another note, to my Neko-chan's disappointment... I'M LOOKING FOR A TWIN OR ANOTHER MINI-ME. I love Mini-me's lol... Now to update C.I.A.C.D... I can feel the reviewer's scorn...


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Yeah, I know it's not Evanescence, but I've taken a liking to A Fine Frenzy, and this song just seems to fit my mood right now.

**Warnings**: Extreme OOC-ness and corny-ness.

--

_He and I had something beautiful  
But so dysfunctional, it couldn't last_

Kagome smiled as she leaned against Inuyasha's back, enjoying the small bumps that occured when the hanyou jumped from tree to tree, as they made Inuyasha's heart race and his breath hitch. She wanted to enjoy her last moments with him while she could. She knew where he was taking her, and even though she loathed him for it, she also accepted it.

_I loved him so but I let him go  
'Cause I knew he'd never love me back_

He was running off to join Kikyou. His excuse? With the battle with Naraku approaching, he couldn't protect her against the onslaught of demons attacking them every time they rested, and that he couldn't be around her while she hurt herself every night. He didn't add that once she was gone, Kikyou would join the group in her place.

_Such pain as this  
Shouldn't have to be experienced_

So he passed her off to his brother, saying that even though he hated the older demon, he knew that he would protect her better than he ever could. Against demons, and against herself. Sesshoumaru was angry at first, though one couldn't exactly tell, but Inuyasha appealed to him by saying that he was stronger than him. Kagome was mercilessly passed to the colder dog demon and resumed her travelling with him.

_I'm still reeling from the loss,  
Still a little bit delirious_

It was odd, yelling for help to Sesshoumaru instead of Inuyasha. but Kagome tried to adjust. Every once and awhile she would slip, but was quickly apologizing at the demon's feet with tears in her eyes. Afterwards, she would run to the forest, knife in hand. Bent by a tree or a lake, she would cut herself, blood seeping from her wrists and nearly staining her kimono that Sesshoumaru required her to wear instead of her hideous school uniform. Soon after the first cut was placed, Sesshoumaru would be taking the knife from her in distain and chucking it aside to bind her wounds.

_Near to you, I am healing  
But it's taking so long_

Once a month, Inuyasha would come to check on her, but Sesshoumaru would not allow the younger demon to see her, much less speak to her. Kagome knew that Inuyasha would see Sesshoumaru, because every time he came back he had a deep frown on his face. Kagome would beg to see him, and Sesshoumaru would deny her that horror with a cold glance.

_'Cause though he's gone  
And you are wonderful_

Soon, Kagome realized he was doing this to protect her healing process. A tear would come to her eye and she would thank him in her mind. Unexpectantly, he would wipe that tear away with a thumb, his claws barely touching her.

_It's hard to move on  
Yet, I'm better near to you._

Soon, she quit harming herself, and those cuts turned to angry scars, scars that Sesshoumaru would look upon in disgust. In the back of her mind, Kagome thought it was disgust for her, but her new outlook provided the thoughts that it was disgust for the hanyou that caused her pain.

_You and I have something different  
And I'm enjoying it cautiously_

They moved through their days silently. When Kagome cried, he was there to comfort her, patiently healing her emotional wounds. She would see the confused longing in his eyes, but would push it out of her mind. She couldn't bear to be rejected and thrown aside again, even though silently, she enjoyed his longing gazes, and unknowingly returned them from a distance.

_I'm battle scarred, I am working oh so hard  
To get back to who I used to be_

Whenever Inuyasha's face flashed through her mind, she would shove it away and replace it with Sesshoumaru's. Whenever she pictured herself leaning in the hanyou's arms, the younger brother faded and Sesshoumaru's body would replace it.

_He's disappearing  
Fading suddelly_

She could suddenly not remember the look in Inuyasha's eyes when he gazed upon her with fake longing. She could no longer picture softly petting Inuyasha's soft ears. She would only remember leaning against Sesshoumaru cautiously, her hand running through Mokomoko-sama's softness, her other hand on Sesshoumaru's hard back, his shoulder blade just underneath his fingertips and his arms wrapped carefully around her.

_I'm so close to being yours  
Won't you stay with me  
Please_

Kagome resolved to allow herself small pleasures, such as laying near to him when she slept, sitting closer to him, riding in his arms when they needed to be quick. She realized how deeply she had fallen for him, and couldn't imagine being without him.

_Near to you, I am healing  
But it's taking so long_

It had been nearly a year since she joined him, but he was patient with her. He knew that she had been hurt.

_'Cause though he's gone  
And you are wonderful_

He protected her, never allowing one scratch on her body during fights, never allowing her to treck through the blood and gore to retrieve a shard. She silently wondered why he had accepted the task of caring for her, but that didn't matter to her anymore.

_It's hard to move on  
Yet, I'm better near to you._

Sometimes she found herself missing her old companions, but that was soon forgotten when Sesshoumaru cradled her against his chest, carefully avoiding the spikes of his armor and wrapping his arms around her protectively at night.

_I only know that I am  
Better where you are_

Inuyasha would never do that for her.

_I only know that I am  
Better where you are_

Inuyasha _could_ never to that for her.

_I only know that I belong  
Where you are_

She wouldn't allow herself to be sucked in by the hanyou's annoying charm. She only felt like she belonged when she was with Sesshoumaru. No matter how much she missed the half demon, she wouldn't allow herself anymore pain.

_Near to you, I am healing  
But it's taking so long_

Laying in Sesshoumaru's arms, she choked back a sob. "I'm sorry I'm making you wait." He replied by giving her a small kiss on her forehead. "For you, I'll wait till the end of time." He whispered back.

_Though he's gone  
And you are wonderful_

"You're too good to me." The tears flew from her eyes, and Seshoumaru found himself wiping each one away tenderly. "I don't deserve any of this." Kagome sobbed. "You should hate humans... You should hate _me_."

_It's hard to move on_

Sesshoumaru scoffed. "Nonsense." He said. "I do hate humans... But I've come to find myself thinking that you're... You're different." He gently grabbed her scarred wrist, placing her palm onto his face. "I don't do this for other humans."

_Near to you, I am healing  
But it's taking so long_

"But you've been waiting forever."

_'Cause though he's gone  
And you are wonderful_

"As long as it's you, I'm content with waiting. I've told you this before, Kagome."

_It's hard to move on  
Yet, I'm better near to you._

A kiss was his only reply.

_Yet, I'm better near to you._

--

A/N: Some of you might be angry with the fact that she didn't die and that this was extremely corny, but it's better than my Sess/Kag interpretation of The Minnow and the Trout. I think this is cute, and since I'm not exactly depressed right now, I don't want to ruin it with an extremely depressing song. Not to say this isn't a bit depressing, but it's a good amount of happiness/sadness.

Review.


	6. Chapter 6

So, you guys might just be wondering where the heck I've been?

Well, the answer to that is simple.

I have no freaking idea.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing.

* * *

_Bound at every limb by my shackles of fear_

_Sealed with lies through so many tears_

The Jewel would never be finished, would it? But she couldn't leave it, she couldn't just leave it to InuYasha and the rest of her group. Every night she cried, and she knew InuYasha could hear her tears, smell them through the night, but he never said anything. He didn't care as long as the Jewel got finished. What would he do if she tried to leave? He would probably kill her. Their friendship was built only on fear.

_Lost from within, pursuing the end._

_I fight for the chance to be lied to again._

Every fight they got into, she tried to anger him past the point of his limit. He would kill her then, right? He wouldn't save her. She had to get out of this place, and death would be the only way. She couldn't stand Feudal Japan, she couldn't stand loving InuYasha when he didn't care, when all he wanted were Kikyou and the sacred Jewel.

_You will never be strong enough._

_You will never be good enough._

The thought rang in her head, it hurt with every shrill shout, but she had to endure. Or... did she? Soon she would be out of this mess, and Inuyasha would never yell those words at her again. He would never compare her to Kikyou.

_You were never conceived in love._

_You will not rise above._

Of course he had never thought of her of more than a replacement for Kikyou, as she would not join his group willingly. Her thoughts, her own feelings, were never put into thought by InuYasha. How would she feel being treated as a replacement? Would she accept it? It didn't matter to him. And when she didn't act up to par with his vision of Kikyou, he would scream at her. None of her friends would stick up for her.

_They'll never see._

_I'll never be._

_I struggle on and on to feed this hunger,_

_Burning deep inside of me._

They all watched her with wary eyes after fights, waiting for her to run, waiting for her to cry. Not that they would do anything to comfort her, they never did. They feigned sleep when she cried. They ignored her attempts to increase her own skill. InuYasha just sat in his tree, only coming down when he wanted food or if he smelled Kikyou nearby. None of them saw that she wanted to get better at fighting, that she wanted to be a better person, and so she never progressed, no matter how hard she tried. She plotted her suicide behind their backs. She would have to be sneaky about it.

_But through my tears breaks a blinding light,_

_Birthing a dawn to this endless night._

InuYasha was gone, she noted blankly as she stared at his empty tree. She could see the long silvery form of one of Kikyou's soul stealers, and hurridly left the group's campsite. For the first time, however, she did not follow her love. Her heart ached, and she sobbed tearlessly as she ran, not caring which way she went. She ran and ran, and soon the smells and noises from their campsite disappeared behind her. The night was seemingly quiet as she ran.

She could feel the sting of the cuts on her legs, caused when she ran through the thick forest. Her arms stung as well, and her chest burned from running. Finally the tears broke through, and as she broke into a clearing with a giant tree in the center, she collapsed in the tall grass.

As she sobbed, she came to realize she was not alone. Kagome snapped her head up at the sound of a soft sigh, her eyes widening at the sight that met them. She was surprised she had run this far, all the way from the campsite to the Goshinboku, but that was not all she noticed. Sitting on one of the gnarled roots was Sesshoumaru, his cold golden eyes staring at her with something she couldn't quite describe.

_Arms outstretched, awaiting me._

_An open embrace upon a bleeding tree._

Her mouth hung open as he gestured for her to come closer, and when she didn't, he merely frowned, but didn't move closer to her. "Come, Kagome." He said. "I will not hurt you." Hesitantly, and very slowly, she moved forward. He opened his arms to her, and she moved between them. Maybe he was lying, and would kill her? She could only hope.

But his arms closed around her, embracing her gently, and she felt the tears well up in her eyes again. She wondered if she cried on him, stained his top with her salty tears, would he slaughter her? The thought of dying made the tears spill over, and soon she was sobbing again. Sesshoumaru opened his mouth to speak.

_"Rest in me and I'll comfort you._

_I've lived and I'd die for you. _

_Abide in me and I vow to you,_

_I will never forsake you." _

Kagome struggled with an answer.

_"They'll never see..._

_I'll never be._

_I struggle on and on to feed this hunger_

_Burning deep inside of me." _

She sobbed and repeated herself, the tears in her eyes pouring down her face and seeping into his coat.

_"They'll never see..._

_I'll never be._

_I struggle on and on to feed this hunger_

_Burning deep inside of me."_

Kagome gasped when she felt a pair of hard lips gently caress her temple, and her face turned red hot. "What...?" When she looked up at him, there was a small smile on his face.

_"Rest in me._

_I'll comfort you._

_I have lived,_

_I'd die for you._

_Abide in me._

_I vow to you I will never forsake you."_

He took her that night. What she had seen in his eyes was love, but she did not love him back quite yet. For now it was only lust, and he was her comforter, a soothing embrace to help her through the rough times and when she felt depressed, which was almost every night.

For years they continued it as the group searched for the Jewel shards, traveling as far as the mainland for shards. Kagome kept her relationship quiet from her group.

This angered Sesshoumaru, but he only spoke up in private, when they were alone.

_"They never see._

_I'll never be._

_I struggle on and on to feed this hunger,_

_Burning deep inside of me." _

She understood him perfectly.

* * *

Okay well, I think it's pretty complicated what this whole story means.

InuYasha always compares Kagome to Kikyou. In order to become stronger and better and to win the love of InuYasha, she hints at Miroku and Sango to train her, but they don't see it. So, because she's too scared to actually ask them, she'll never become strong enough. She struggles to get stronger because it hurts her to have InuYasha tell her that she's weak.

That's when she begins to plot her suicide, because even though she doesn't want to abandon her friends in the search for the Shikon no Tama, she can't stand living without love. When InuYasha leaves to go see Kikyou one day, she leaves in hopes of finding a demon that would kill her. Unfortunately what she finds is Sesshoumaru, and he is in love with her. Very OOC, but whatever. He offers to protect her and comfort her, and she accepts it. The end is Sesshoumaru saying that he basically wants to be with Kagome all the time, but because their relationship is a secret from her friends, he can never be with her fully. The hunger burning inside of him is his love and he struggles with the thought of not being near her.

I changed the lyrics a tad bit, mostly just 'I'd's and 'They'll's, so no big change.

No suicide, but I'm in the mood for a love story right now.

I hope you guys liked it, because it was just on a whim while listening to old Evanescence songs.


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